Blah blah gay sex, blah blah Congress

This pretzel is making me thirsty

184,690 notes




Fastest way to get through a border patrol checkpoint

are you fuckingkidding me


Fucking lies
Fastest way through the checkpoint is to either
a) be white
b) have a white person in the car
they don’t even stop you, only wave you by in those circumstances

But if you’re brown and have a nice car like me, you can bet your sweet ass they’ll ask a lot of invasive questions like “whose car is this?” Like seriously?

(via interrodang)

Filed under sorry for the mean this started off being funny but then i started to actually think about it

14,534 notes

Anonymous asked: whats wrong with john green? whats wrong w/ defending him


What’s the DEAL with John Green?


The man is not even green! Am I right, people? His whole life is a sham and he’s stuck in the mindset of a highschooler! And yet he has a fanbase, I just don’t understand it. You know who he reminds me of? The 20 year old guy we all knew in highschool, do you remember him? The guy who would hang out with us all after class and we never questioned it because he was in his 20s and would drive us places? Remember him? That’s John Green, people!

Filed under JERRY

72 notes

Anonymous asked: the wife is equally at fault for offering meaningless responses instead of saying 'I don't feel like it and here's why...' instead of just 'I feel sweaty but can't be assed to shower'


Pro tip: the reason women make up excuses is because women as a collective whole are constantly being guilted for not wanting to have sex with their partners, and just not wanting to at a given time isn’t considered a “good enough” reason by itself.  

11,777 notes


listen, i don’t know about you, but the only people I know who actually enjoy the smell of axe body spray are not women. it’s dudes. it’s all dudes. i have worn axe body spray and walked into a room and have been complimented by legions of dudes. axe body spray is an agent of the gay agenda to make men smell better for other men to unlock their latent homosexuality and there is no stopping them now, we’re in too deep and it’s far too late.

(via )